Attraction is not a choice and it can fluctuate. Hence it is beyond the realm of logic and so it can be hard to grasp for an analytical mind.
Many movies and TV shows, show the leads chasing their romantic interest, doing things to impress them until the other party sees how much they love them and start reciprocating and then they live happily ever after. These stories have shaped many people ideas of what dating looks like and certainly for me lead to many years of frustration and feeling like there was something wrong with me. Finally I came across this attraction scale and how to use it from Coach Corey Wayne and the results will speak for themselves, how easy dating can be. Always assume a lower attraction than you may think and notice the signs below
- 1-4 : If someone’s attraction for you is below 5, do not even bother chasing them. Most likely it will be very hard to get a date with them and even if you get one, you will constantly have to do most of the heavy lifting to have fun in this relationship. Here is how to tell
- They don’t make any repeated or sustained eye contact with you
- If you ask them questions, they reply with one word answers
- They don’t ask you about you, even your name
- 5 : You notice that they are making repeated or sustained eye contact with you
- You should approach them and ask them their name and ask them how they are doing
- You can also start with a compliment. Avoid complimenting body parts at this stage. Find something about their clothes, jewellery or behaviour that you liked and compliment that
- 6 : When you talk to them, they reply with more than one-two word replies, with enthusiasm and they ask you your name and how you are doing
- Ask them about their passions or something they do for fun or their dream life.
- See if you find any areas of mutual interest, double click on them and ask follow up questions.
- Notice if the conversation is flowing smoothly, if they are ask about you too.
- End with asking for contact info and asking them out for a simple hangout like coffee, hike, or something of mutual interest from your conversation
- 7 : Notice how easy they make it to schedule and meet for a hangout.
- They share their contact information enthusiastically
- They share their date and time availability
- As the date approaches, they don’t make any excuses or if something arises, they give alternatives
- 8 : The three goals of a date are hangout, have fun and hookup. Not every date will end in a hookup but for there to be romantic potential there needs to be physical chemistry
- Notice if they touch your hand or shoulder as they speak. You can start with some short gentle touches and see if they reciprocate.
- Notice if as the date progresses if the touching becomes more frequent and longer
- If the touching is frequent and prolonged from both sides, trying going in for a kiss. Look into their eyes, look at their lips and back to their eyes. If they are maintaining eye contact, lean in half way and see if they reciprocate.
- If they say no or don’t reciprocate, don’t worry continue hanging out and having fun some people need time to warm up.
- But if after 3 dates there is no reciprocation of a kiss, it may be time to ask if they will like to continue dating.
- 9 : Physical touch is easy. They are excited to see you and start with enthusiastic hugs and kisses
- Invite them to your home or their home for a evening date.
- When the touch and kisses gets heavy, slowly escalate to sex with no expectation.
- If they are not ready for escalation, no worries, continue enjoying current stage and try later
- 10 : They contact often, meeting for dates is easy, talking is effortless and they say “I love you” often
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